Attention, oncoming vehicles: If there is a car or truck parked on your side of the street, or a bicyclist, perhaps, occupying part of your travel lane, that does not constitute reason enough for you to cross the double yellow and assume part of my travel lane, forcing me across the white "fog" line and onto the (perhaps nonexistent) shoulder.
Nope. You, dear other driver in the oncoming vehicle, are supposed to slow down or, God forbid, stop and wait until there is free space in my travel lane before proceeding. Got it? I know, it's hard to imagine that my safety and whatever it is I have to do in my shabby little life might actually take precedence over the utter urgency and importance of everything about you, but get over it.
And while we're here, let's talk about YIELD. Yield: give way, surrender, back down.
This is clearly NOT the American way, especially on our roadways. But I'm sorry, if I happen to be silly enough to going anything close to the speed limit and consequently driving in the right-hand lane of a multi-lane highway (particularly an Interstate, a designation apparently allowing those drivers in the other one, two or three lanes to have increased their speed exponentially since the last state border), I am unlikely to be able to move over for you and if I slow down, some semi is going to move my spare tire in to my back seat.
So yield, for God's sake. What's it gonna cost you? 15 seconds?
And there in, of course, lies the rub. You don't have 15 seconds in your tragically busy life. You're so frantic and overwhelmed and out of time that if you don't keep moving your head's going to explode.
The problem on the roads isn't on the roads. It starts way before that. The problem, dear other driver, is so deep and labyrinthine and dark and gooey that I'm not going there. How do I know? Whahahahahaha!
You know what I mean.
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